Some Things No One Tells You.. — January 30, 2017

Some Things No One Tells You..

There’s many things that people tell you when you’re going through a break up. “It’s going to be fine”, “you’re better off”, “It gets easier as time goes on”. The list goes on and on, and a lot of it is true. What about the things that people don’t tell you though? Over the past 6 months I’ve been discovering things about my break up with Tyler that no one ever prepared me for. Here are some of the many things that no one told me about breakups.

  1. It may get easier but it’s still hard. This might be because I’m persistent on staying friends with Tyler. Like I’ve said many times before, he’s my best friend and has shared so much with me that to have him completely out of my life isn’t something I can imagine. Although it has gotten easier there are still days where it hurts, a ton.
  2. You’ll never forget the memories, the good or the bad. Obviously the good memories are something to look back on and be happy that you shared. The bad memories, however, can haunt you. No matter how hard I try I’ll never forget the conversation that Tyler and I had when we were officially ending things. I’ll never forget the look on his face when I left. I’ll never forget the car ride to my mom’s house and I was leaving everything I’d known behind. It takes a lot to not let these memories consume you. You need to remember that everything happened for a reason.
  3. The tiniest things can trigger a spiral of emotions. Two songs are the big culprit of this for me…”Middle of a Memory” by Cole Swindell and “Don’t Let Me Down” by Chainsmokers. The Cole Swindell song always reminds me of the feeling of being abandoned while I was supposed to be living the happiest time of my life. We were getting married in a few months, I had just graduated nursing school and passed the NCLEX. In the middle of those memories I was left and nothing will change that or make it an easier pill to swallow. The Chainsmokers song was constantly on when everything was going down. I feel like I was let down by the person who was supposed to be my person. Eating at the place where he proposed triggers me wanting to burst into tears because of how everything changed. There’s many more that I don’t even want to think of right now.
  4. You’ll still cry. There’s nothing wrong with it. It feels weird to cry around people when its been so long after the break up but believe me you’re not crazy for still crying, and don’t be ashamed to cry around people. There is no point in keeping it all to yourself. Your support people will still be there, trust me.
  5. Going out will feel weird. Whether it’s a date or out with your friends it’ll feel weird. You spent X amount of years going out with that one person. It’s difficult at first but you need to get back out there and start enjoying yourself. Take a deep breath and leap.

Those are just some of the numerous things that no one told me after my breakup. If you’re feeling these things, or anything, just remember that you’re not alone and you’re not crazy. Everyone grieves differently. Be strong and talk to people!

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6 Months as a Practicing RN — January 19, 2017

6 Months as a Practicing RN

Holy crap! I can’t believe that today marks 6 months of being a practicing RN! It has been the craziest, most surreal time of my life and I can honestly say that I am so happy with my career choice.

Being a nurse has been the most challenging time in my life. There are days where I feel like I am the worst nurse ever and that everything is going wrong. These days I really struggle with. I’ve learned to turn to my coworkers (who usually are having just as bad of a day) and breathe. We’re constantly reminding one another to take deep breaths and that if there’s anything we can do to help we’re there. This is the most important thing. Working with the team that I do has been a lifesaver. I trust almost all of them and feel like I can go to them for anything. They’ve welcomed me with open arms and have taken me under their wing to help me become the best nurse I can be. I love my North 8 girls more than I ever thought possible.

Being a nurse has been the most rewarding time of my life. The good days definitely make the bad days worth while. When a patient tells me that I’ve made their day or when they ask to have me as their nurse the next day makes me smile. When a patient gives me a big hug on day of discharge I melt. Watching someone progress from extremely sick to stable enough to go home is awe inspiring and knowing you played a part in getting them there is the best feeling. I wouldn’t trade these moments for anything.

My advice for any new nurse (and don’t get me wrong, I’m still very new) is to stick it out. There are days that you’ll hate it, there are days that you’ll love it. Take everything in, ask questions and if you still don’t understand it ask the question again. Try and get as many opportunities to have hands on experiences. Nothing you did in the skills lab at school is how it is in the real world with real people and real feelings and emotions. The first 6 months I’ve learned so much and there is still so much for me to learn. I try and make it a goal to learn something new every day. Know that you’re going to make mistakes. Hopefully there are not life threatening. Use these mistakes as learning experiences. Despite being a nurse you’re a human being first.

These 6 months have been life changing. I can’t wait to see where the next part of the year takes me. I love the floor I work on, I love my coworkers, and I love my career choice. Find something you love and it’ll be the most rewarding job out there.

 

Easy Peasy Couponing — January 13, 2017

Easy Peasy Couponing

Hey everyone!

Awhile ago I wrote a post about how I’m saving money after college. One of the ways I use is using coupons. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a crazy coupon lady. I don’t have a giant binder with thousands of coupons and spending no money at all on anything (there is nothing wrong with these people either!) I just don’t have the time or patience for that, and honestly, it wouldn’t work for me. A lot of coupons that I find are things that I would never buy and I’m not going to clip a coupon for something to save money but I know I won’t use, ever. Or on the flip side I will use it but you need to buy 5 of the items to save a dollar. That’s not worth it to me either.

I’m not a professional at this at all but I have come up with a system that works for me that I thought I would share with you. If you have any suggestions on how I can tweak it let me know in the comments, or tell me what you do and maybe I’ll adapt it in some way!

I bought a coupon holder. I know, I know some of you might be thinking it’s the first step to the coupon binder but no, it’s just so that the coupons aren’t falling all over my bag.

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I’ve broken the compartments that work best for me: breakfast, canned, condiments, dairy, drinks, frozen, fruits and veggies, home items, meat, personal items, snacks, and specific stores. The specific stores is for things like bath and body works, bed bath and beyond…stores that constantly send me coupons that I sometimes use and are nice to have. Those are paper clipped together in the order that they expire so that I can stay on top of them.

I typically do most of my shopping at Target. When I’m getting ready to go shopping I sit down with my coupon holder and Cartwheel app. I sit down with a notebook and write down the things I know I need. I then go through my coupons and write out if I have one for that item. Then I go through the Cartwheel app to see if what I need is available for additional discount through there. It works for me. I’m not saving hundreds but where I am right now in my life every little bit counts. I have no problem buying store brand if it’ll save me some money and it is nearly the same product as the name brand. My mom and brother have an issue with that but they’re slowly starting to see my side of it.

Like I said, my process isn’t perfect but it works for me. Will I use this same method the rest of my life? Who knows. I do know that while I’m living at home and paying off my student loans that this is what I will be doing. I might tweak it as I continue to grow up. Let me know if you want to know updates if anything changes.

So tell me what works for you. Are you a couponer? Are you an extreme couponer? I’m starting to really get into this and I want to hear other’s stories and tips.

I’m Okay, I Promise… — January 9, 2017

I’m Okay, I Promise…

This is something that I’ve told myself and others time and time again. For almost my whole life I’ve kept everything bottled up inside and put on a good show for everyone else. I’d let things eat me up inside to the point where I’d burst and lose it. I know this is an issue that a lot of people have. Put on a happy front and take care of others around you, your own happiness isn’t as important as everyone else.

I’m writing about this because in the new year I’m going to try and change my ways. I’m going to put myself first every once in awhile and I challenge you to do the same. Yes, it is important to make sure the people in your life are happy but you shouldn’t do this without making sure that you’re taken care of too.

If you’re having a bad day, laugh it out..cry it out..scream it out! Whatever you have to do to make yourself cheer up, do it! Life is way too short to be sad or keep things bottled up inside until you combust. Do it for yourself, be happy.

Just a little food for thought my loves. Until next time..

60 to 0 in 3.5 — January 6, 2017

60 to 0 in 3.5

We all know the saying 0 to 60 in 3.5, and if you don’t to break it down it means that something is happening extremely fast like a car going from 0 mph to 60 mph in 3.5 seconds. Well what happens when it’s the complete opposite? It sucks, that’s what happens. I’m jumping ahead so let me rewind and fill you in.

Remember the guy I had recently been talking to, Pat? Yeah him. Things had been going great. We talked every day, got along great, were damn near perfect in the physical aspect of the relationship. I was really falling for him and I was genuinely happy for the first time in what felt like forever. We clicked, just like we did when we first met all those years ago when we were teenagers and working together in a grocery store. I wanted to see where things were going to go with us and he kept saying the same thing so I knew he was kind of feeling it too.

We were texting all day on Christmas and making plans for when we were going to see one another next. We planned for the Tuesday after the holiday and I was so excited. Tuesday rolled around and he texted me late in the day saying that work was sucking and he was completely overwhelmed with it and just needed to be at home by himself that night. Fine, I totally get it. I didn’t freak out about it I told him if he needed to talk to me about it I was there. I told him I really wanted to hang out on New Year’s Eve though (I mean what girl doesn’t want that kiss at midnight from the guy she really likes?). I laid it all out and told him I’d be extremely sad if I didn’t see him and he said he didn’t want that at all. So we rolled with it. He had his space and I was getting ready for the start of a new year with a new guy.

Throughout the week we started talking less and less which was weird for us but I played it up as work was sucking this week for him (and I knew he hadn’t been happy at work for awhile now). I texted him the Friday before NYE asking if we were hanging out the next day because I hadn’t heard from him, and the silence continued with that one. I texted him in the morning on NYE just saying I hoped work didn’t suck and that he had a good new year, which he FINALLY responded that he basically gave his 2 weeks notice and he wasn’t having it today. Then, again, I didn’t hear from him again. I was beyond hurt. All I wanted was to be with him ringing in the new year and there I was on my couch in my pajamas watching Gossip Girl. Midnight rolled around and instead of being happy and having the New Year’s kiss I was hoping for I was crying. I was drunk and texted him a long message asking what was going on with us (at this point I was convinced he was done with whatever we had going on and I thought I deserved to know). He never answered. We didn’t talk until Wednesday when I texted him asking if we were ever going to talk again and his response was that he needed to shut everyone out of his life at this point and he stopped talking to almost everyone.

I’m just a girl who wants to be happy and I thought I was really getting there with Pat. He made my heart skip a beat, he gave me the fuzzy feelings, he made me love myself which is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. He made me feel safe, he made me feel comfortable. It’s only been 2 days since he went from 60 to 0 and I just feel sad. I miss everything that we had and were starting to develop. I miss the way he made me feel. As much as I miss all of this though, I know that I’m a strong person and will come out on top. It’s the same as with Tyler, I don’t know what’s going to happen and if in the future we come back together maybe we’ll pick up right where we left off. For now I’m just sad and disappointed.

I’m not writing this all to make anyone feel bad for me. I use this blog as a journal and to get my feelings out and to document what’s going on in my life. I also like laying my issues out so that others who happen to come across this blog don’t feel like they’re alone in any issue they might be going through that can relate. We all need to remember the positives we have in life…our family, our friends, work, our health. Just remember, it’s okay to feel sad or upset but you are strong and will make it through!e

 

Cheers to the New Year! — January 1, 2017

Cheers to the New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! 2016 sure was a whirl wind of a year and I hope everyone had a happy and safe night last night. I spent it on my couch watching movies and Gossip Girl (we don’t have cable so I wasn’t able to watch the ball drop..). I drank a little too much vodka cran but I was safe and sound at home.

I spent a lot of yesterday thinking back on 2016 and what I hope 2017 will bring. I’m not one for big New Year resolutions. I don’t make promises to myself that I’m going to go to the gym multiple times a week and that I’m only going to eat healthy and lose all this weight. I’ve tried it and I just set myself up for failure. I did, however, think of some little things I want to do this year. Things that are achievable but still allow me to deviate from when things arise. So here they are, my New Year resolutions for 2017.

  1. I want to laugh more. I spent a good part of 2016 sad and crying and just flat out quiet. I want this to change this year. I want to work on laughing, smiling, and being genuinely happy.
  2. I want to travel more. It doesn’t have to be these great adventures bouncing country to country. Even weekend getaways with my best friends I want to get away. It’s something I wasn’t able to do but I want to make it more of a priority.
  3. I want to eat less fast food. This is not to say that I’m going to cut it out completely. I’ve tried and I know it’s not something I can easily do. But I want to work on eating less of it.
  4. I want to blog more. I know I said this last year and I struggled to make it happen until the end of the year. This year I really want to write more. It’s kind of like therapy for me. I like that I get to share what’s going on with people (maybe not a lot of you but some of you..) and that my friends and family don’t know about it. It’s something that I have to myself and I don’t have to be cool, calm, and collected about everything.
  5. I want to work on me. This is a big one for me because I spent 7 years as a pair with a guy that I love. I don’t regret that but the big years of me growing up and becoming an adult I was focused on “us” instead of “me”. This isn’t to say that I don’t want to date in 2017 or get into a relationship or maybe even fall in love again but I want to make sure that I’m sure of who I am and what I want.

I guess that’s all of them for now. I’ll probably add more throughout the year but I’m going to strive for a much better 2017 than 2016 was. I’m going to work my ass off to make sure of it. Cheers to the New Year and I hope for the best for everyone! Enjoy the day loves, rest and enjoy. Tomorrow starts a new beginning.