We all know the saying 0 to 60 in 3.5, and if you don’t to break it down it means that something is happening extremely fast like a car going from 0 mph to 60 mph in 3.5 seconds. Well what happens when it’s the complete opposite? It sucks, that’s what happens. I’m jumping ahead so let me rewind and fill you in.
Remember the guy I had recently been talking to, Pat? Yeah him. Things had been going great. We talked every day, got along great, were damn near perfect in the physical aspect of the relationship. I was really falling for him and I was genuinely happy for the first time in what felt like forever. We clicked, just like we did when we first met all those years ago when we were teenagers and working together in a grocery store. I wanted to see where things were going to go with us and he kept saying the same thing so I knew he was kind of feeling it too.
We were texting all day on Christmas and making plans for when we were going to see one another next. We planned for the Tuesday after the holiday and I was so excited. Tuesday rolled around and he texted me late in the day saying that work was sucking and he was completely overwhelmed with it and just needed to be at home by himself that night. Fine, I totally get it. I didn’t freak out about it I told him if he needed to talk to me about it I was there. I told him I really wanted to hang out on New Year’s Eve though (I mean what girl doesn’t want that kiss at midnight from the guy she really likes?). I laid it all out and told him I’d be extremely sad if I didn’t see him and he said he didn’t want that at all. So we rolled with it. He had his space and I was getting ready for the start of a new year with a new guy.
Throughout the week we started talking less and less which was weird for us but I played it up as work was sucking this week for him (and I knew he hadn’t been happy at work for awhile now). I texted him the Friday before NYE asking if we were hanging out the next day because I hadn’t heard from him, and the silence continued with that one. I texted him in the morning on NYE just saying I hoped work didn’t suck and that he had a good new year, which he FINALLY responded that he basically gave his 2 weeks notice and he wasn’t having it today. Then, again, I didn’t hear from him again. I was beyond hurt. All I wanted was to be with him ringing in the new year and there I was on my couch in my pajamas watching Gossip Girl. Midnight rolled around and instead of being happy and having the New Year’s kiss I was hoping for I was crying. I was drunk and texted him a long message asking what was going on with us (at this point I was convinced he was done with whatever we had going on and I thought I deserved to know). He never answered. We didn’t talk until Wednesday when I texted him asking if we were ever going to talk again and his response was that he needed to shut everyone out of his life at this point and he stopped talking to almost everyone.
I’m just a girl who wants to be happy and I thought I was really getting there with Pat. He made my heart skip a beat, he gave me the fuzzy feelings, he made me love myself which is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. He made me feel safe, he made me feel comfortable. It’s only been 2 days since he went from 60 to 0 and I just feel sad. I miss everything that we had and were starting to develop. I miss the way he made me feel. As much as I miss all of this though, I know that I’m a strong person and will come out on top. It’s the same as with Tyler, I don’t know what’s going to happen and if in the future we come back together maybe we’ll pick up right where we left off. For now I’m just sad and disappointed.
I’m not writing this all to make anyone feel bad for me. I use this blog as a journal and to get my feelings out and to document what’s going on in my life. I also like laying my issues out so that others who happen to come across this blog don’t feel like they’re alone in any issue they might be going through that can relate. We all need to remember the positives we have in life…our family, our friends, work, our health. Just remember, it’s okay to feel sad or upset but you are strong and will make it through!e