I know it’s been a little while since I posted but I promise it has been for good reasons. I’ve been in a funk and I’ll be the first to admit it. I wasn’t really happy, I had my moments sure, but there were a lot of times where I was down and quite frankly somewhat depressed. I wasn’t happy with my living situation. I wasn’t happy with my financial situation. I wasn’t happy with my relationship situation. All of this was piling up on me and to be honest I didn’t feel like writing about anything. I’ve always said that this blog is more so therapeutic for me as it is anything else. That’s why I’m making myself blog again today. I’m determined to find my happiness again.
I’ll start with my living situation. This is something that right now I can’t really change. I’m not thrilled about living under my mom’s roof again. I don’t like having to tell her where I’m going or who I’m going with. I spent a good part of my adult life being able to come and go as I please and this is something that I’m just not used to. My brother is a complete nightmare most of the time and we really just don’t get along. How am I getting my happiness back in this aspect? I’m doing everything possible to make my goal of being able to move out in the next year a reality. It may not be the best apartment or anything but I’ll be on my own again.
My financial situation goes hand in hand with my living situation. I have a lot of student loan debt. I also like going out with my friends which involves spending money. Add that on top of my regular bills and you can see where money stresses me out. I don’t want to feel like I have to deprive myself in order to sustain any amount of money. I’m trying to find my happiness with this situation in a not always happy way. I’m picking up more overtime hours at work. This is hard because the hospital is in a lot of debt and there isn’t a lot of OT to be had but where I can I am picking it up. I’m hoping this will help me be able to stay afloat while still being about to pay my bills and have fun like a 25 year old should. I do have to work on some of my spending habits and I am. I’ll get there, it just might be a slow start.
Finally my relationships. I mean this with friends as well as guys. I’ll start with friends. Megan and I have been iffy for awhile now. She’s been my best friend for 22 years and I don’t want to lose her but we’re at very different places in life. She doesn’t understand that I can’t be her personal shuttle to places and she needs to get her license. I can’t always be paying concert tickets with her promising to pay me back and then she never does. I’ve started having some hard conversations with her about it and so far I think it’s working, kind of. We have a long way to go but I’m hoping we’ll figure this out. As for guys I’ve spent probably the last month trying to figure out Tyler and I think I have. For now, I’m going to be more than okay with just being best friends with him. I need to realize that whatever happens, happens but there’s no rushing. We went to the beach last week and it was a good start to this for us. I hope it continues to go that way. With all that being said…I’ve been talking to a new guy I met on POF. I’m not ready to spill much of anything with him since we’ve only been texting but I’m meeting him tomorrow for dinner and I couldn’t be more excited. I have a fairly good feeling about him and that’s something I haven’t really felt with any of the guys I’ve talked to. I’ll keep everyone posted.
So there’s a recap of where I’ve been for the past however long I’ve been gone. Nothing overly exciting or new but it was something that made me realize I need to take a break and work through my issues and concerns. I’m nowhere near completely happy but I’m getting there and I’m happy to be back!