Am I the Crazy One? — June 11, 2017

Am I the Crazy One?

I’ll admit it, I have some crazy to me. I always thought that I’ve had it pretty under control though. I don’t freak out if someone doesn’t text me back (although I do find myself checking my phone a lot to see if they have). I don’t need to constantly be with my friends or a guy, I’m more than content being alone most of the time. I can keep listing things but that’s not the purpose of this post. Let me start from the beginning.

I started talking to this guy from OKCupid a few weeks ago. We’ve been talking basically every day and are really hitting it off in my opinion. We have a ton in common, he makes me laugh, and I feel completely comfortable telling him just about anything which is nuts since I haven’t even met him yet. We had planned to meet on Memorial Day since we were both off. That ended up not happening. I was sad I’ll admit. I got my hopes up and was excited to meet him and hang out and then in the blink of an eye it wasn’t happening. Then I went away on vacation (more posts on that to come!) and even though I was gone I still found myself thinking about meeting him and we talked every day even if it was for a few minutes. We made a plan to meet this coming Sunday and I started getting really excited again. The whole rest of the trip I was thinking about meeting him and what we would do and how I hoped we would hit it off as much as we have through text. I flew home last night and he told me that his grandfather wasn’t doing too well and his family had left the state and he was the only one there to take care of him. Now I’m not someone to jump to conclusions and think someone is making stuff up, especially when something is of this proportion. You don’t just lie about these things, right? We’ve been talking very little yesterday and today and I can only imagine it’s because of everything going on. This is where I start to think I’m more crazy than I thought I was…

Most of the day today I’ve been thinking about how we haven’t been talking as much as we have been and wondering if it was because of me. Did he not want to meet me anymore? Is he not interested? Did I do something to make him not want to talk? Is there something wrong with me? I’ve had countless thoughts like this running through my head most of the day. Am I crazy? Have I become the crazy girls that overanalyze everything and think that everything is wrong with them? I really hope not.

I’m extremely sympathetic to his situation right now with his grandfather and I feel terrible. I’ve offered to do anything if he needs it or be someone to listen if he needs to vent. As sympathetic as I am, however, I still want to know what’s going on for our date on Sunday. I don’t want to get my hopes up again and have it come crashing down again. Maybe I think I could like him and don’t want to get hurt like I have in the past. Maybe I really do think something is wrong with me or that he isn’t interested.

I guess I’m writing about this for some opinions. Am I really more crazy than I thought? I don’t want him to think I expect him to drop everything for this date but I also know that if he really is the only one taking care of his grandfather that he needs some time away and to not think about it for a few hours. I don’t know. Just a random ramble.

Punta Cana Packing List — May 30, 2017

Punta Cana Packing List

There are 5 days until I hop on a plane and leave the country with my best friend! 5 days!!! I’m beyond excited. We’ve been planning this trip since February and it’s finally at our fingertips.

I tend to be an over packer so I made a packing list for the trip. I’m going to post it here. Let me know if you have anything I should add or take off. Also, let me know if you have any advice on what we should do besides drink ourselves silly :)!

Punta Cana Packing List

Grey’s Anatomy Season Finale — May 20, 2017

Grey’s Anatomy Season Finale

Holy crap! That’s honestly the first words that popped into my head pretty much in the first 2 minutes of the episode. It was insane. It was beautifully put together and the acting was fantastic. Just as a heads up there will be SPOILERS so don’t read if you haven’t watched the episode that aired on Thursday, May 18th.

We picked up right where we left off with the explosion in the hospital. We see the little girl, Erin, calling out for Stephanie who is somehow ALIVE after being literally inches from the explosion. We also see fire everywhere. We also see that Erin’s leg is crushed by a piece of equipment and the only thing keeping her from hemorrhaging is this equipment. Stephanie acts like a superhero surgeon when she uses a tourniquet and whatever it is that she used to pack the wound and saved the little girl. Then the superhero herself JUMPS THROUGH FIRE with the little girl to escape the burning room. They make it to the staircase where we see Stephanie has severe wounds but her and Erin continue to climb up the many flights of stairs to try and escape everything burning around them. They make it to the top only to find out that Edwards dropped her key card somewhere in the smoky mess. Being the selfless doctor that she is she’s determined to save her patient and covers her up with the blanket even though it would mean her demise. Never fear though because in true Grey’s fashion, Edwards sees her key card in all the smoke and leaves the little girl to go get it. By some fate she makes it back up and they get out onto the roof and start screaming for help only for Erin to go into cardiac arrest (always gotta throw another wrench in there Shonda don’t you?). Stephanie does CPR and is screaming like a crazy person trying to get help. Somehow Warren remembers that he saw Edwards with the rapist and brings the whole crew back into the burning hospital to find her. They find the completely charred rapist body and then see the blood marks from Erin’s wound. They follow the blood and by the grace of all that is holy they find Stephanie doing CPR. Again, in true Grey’s fashion they turn the ER (one of the few safe areas) into an OR and Webber and Bailey get to work and ultimately save Erin’s life and leg. Edwards passes out and we head into the next day.

Catherine isn’t thrilled at how one of her surgeons and a missing child were left in a burning hospital and it all goes back to Minick who “forgot” to tell the police that Edwards was missing in there. Her reasoning? She had patients and if Edwards was following the rules and wasn’t taken out of therapy this wouldn’t have happened. WRONG! Bailey gives her great speech which brought tears to my eyes about how they don’t produce robots at this hospital, they produce heroes. We see Arizona talking to Minick about wanting to get it on and Minick says she has to pack she got fired. FINALLY! BYE BITCH! We also see Webber go in to see Edwards who is going through extreme debridement of her burns. She also has an epic speech saying that she wants to live her life, that she spent so much of it in a hospital from childhood to now and she just wanted to breathe. At the end of this speech, she quits.

We also have the whole story line that Hunt’s sister, Megan, is still alive. I’m not really thrilled by it and it kind of was randomly thrown in there if you ask me. We don’t get to see Megan during this episode but I’m sure she’ll be a big player next season.

I thought this episode was absolutely amazing. It was what I had been waiting for the entire season and Shonda delivered. I thought it was the best send off for one of the surgeons that there has been, one that was well deserved and didn’t end with me sobbing over their death. I saw true heroism from Edwards and Warren and quite frankly Bailey who finally put her foot down and acted like a true chief. I’m kind of sad that Megan is alive and that Riggs went running back to see her leaving Meredith (even though she did say that if it was Dereck she would have left long before he did). I was rooting for Mere and Riggs and wanted to see what she was like in a full blown relationship after Dereck. They better have something big planned for her and not some massive depression.

All in all I was extremely satisfied with this episode and quite frankly can’t wait for next season. I think the entire dynamic is going to change with Edwards gone. She was honestly one of my favorite residents and I’ll miss her a ton.

What were your thoughts on the episode if you watched?


My Best Friend Became a Police Officer — May 15, 2017

My Best Friend Became a Police Officer

I never thought I’d be able to say those words. I couldn’t be more excited or scared or anxious for him all at the same time. I’m getting ahead of myself though…

I’ve known Tyler since 2009. I was 17 years old and we both had the entire future to think about. He told me on our first date that he wanted to be a cop and that he had wanted that since he was about 10. Now I know all little boys want to be some kind of super hero, whether it be a cop, firefighter, EMT, etc. I also know that as these little boys grow up they tend to lose this idea and pick something based off of their interests. With Tyler, his interests were police officers and the law and the history that came along with it. We continued our relationship and when he turned 21 he started applying to police academies (you have to be 21 to start applying apparently..who knew?).

We were living together and I had watched him apply for countless academies, spend an insane amount of money on the testing, and wait anxiously for his authorization to test. I had seen him go and take the written test and fail by 1 point. I had seen him pass the written test and go to take the physical and miss something on it by seconds. I had seen the heartache and the tears and the feeling of defeat. I also saw the determination and drive that these setbacks gave him. Even though we were living paycheck to paycheck and trying to figure life out, I never stopped encouraging this dream (and I’ll be honest, there are times I wasn’t 100% sure it would happen for him). I watched him study longer, train harder. Finally one day he received the testing information for the NHPD. He passed that test with flying colors and was given the authorization to test for the physical exam. Again, he passed and there was no looking back. He went through the entire hiring process which took months. There were background investigations, reference interviews, meetings with the board of commissioners. He did it all and he was placed on their hiring list. Things got rocky with us and we broke up but he stuck to his guns and didn’t let the bad situation get to him. He started the NHPD academy on October 3, 2016.

The first week he told me was hell. We had gone out to dinner one night and he told me he wanted to quit, it was too much, he couldn’t do it. I looked him dead in the eye and told him no. He had come so far and worked way too hard to quit in the first week. If he wasn’t going to make it it would be due to him not being able to complete something, not because he quit. He stuck it out. Over the next 7 months I watched him gain more knowledge, become more street savvy, become stronger mentally and physically. I listened to him talk about learning the radio signals, taught him how to tread water so he could pass the swimming portion of the class, and heard stories about getting pepper sprayed and tear gassed. I watched his eyes beam brighter each and every time we talked. I saw him go from a civilian to a police officer right before my eyes. 7 months of hell, 7 months of stress, 7 months of developing a brotherhood that I know will be with him forever.

On May 12, 2017 I got to witness that brotherhood take their oath and be sworn in as officers of the NHPD. He won an award for graduating top of his class. He walked across that stage with his head held high as he got his badge. My best friend made his biggest dream a reality that night and it’s only just beginning.

Image may contain: 3 people, people standing

If you ever read this Tyler, know that I’m so unbelievably proud of you. I saw the struggle, I saw the tears and I shared them with you, and I saw you overcome everyone telling you no. I’m proud to be your best friend and honored to have been able to see this dream come true. Be smart, be safe, have fun, and go give ’em hell! No matter what know that I’ve always got your six.

What Would You Do? — May 8, 2017

What Would You Do?

Even though everything is said and done from what I’m about to tell you, I wanted to write about it and see what other people would do if they were in my shoes. What happened this weekend isn’t anything overly exciting or troubling. It’s more so that I keep thinking about if what I did was the right thing to do given the situation. Let me explain..

I’ve mentioned it time and time again that I want to stay friends with my ex, Tyler. Part of me will always love him and part of me hopes that someday we figure it out and get back together. I know, I know he’s my ex for a reason but I really believe that what we have is something special and it just wasn’t our time and that’s why we broke up. Maybe delusional and I’m not putting all my eggs in that basket. I am going out on dates (or trying to) and I am putting myself back out there with a completely open heart and mind for whatever happens happening. Anyways, back to what happened this weekend. I was out with Megan at a bar in WeHa (the same one where my terrible OKC “date” occurred). We were just there to have a drink and people watch. I wasn’t overly impressed with the guy selection there that night (it was a lot of older people for some reason). I get a text from Tyler saying that he needs me to pick him up. Now I’ve known Tyler for over 7 years and I have never seen him drunk. Not to say he doesn’t drink but he doesn’t go that hard so having him text me saying he needs a ride is a pretty big deal. I figured he’d be around the area and I’d be able to swing by quick and pick him up…wrong! He said he was in Hamden and gave me the address of the party he was at. Hamden is 40 minutes away from where we were and an hour away from home. I didn’t think twice about leaving to get him. We left the bar and started the journey to Hamden.

We got to the house where the party was and I started calling and calling with no answer. I was parked right across from his car and decided to look in the window. There was drunky sleeping in his back seat. He gets up and gets out of the car and starts puking. I hold him up while he up chucks and finally get him into the car. I drive him all the way home and get him into bed. He starts crying but says he doesn’t know why. This makes me cry. I kiss his forehead and leave for the night. Less than 12 hours later I’m back at his house with powerade and aspirin. I drive him back down to Hamden to get his car and then follow him back to his house to make sure he got back okay. I did all of this without second guessing what I was doing, until now.

Did I do the right thing? Megan said normal people wouldn’t do that for their ex. The thing with Tyler is he isn’t just my ex, he’s still one of my best friends. Is it weird to still have that kind of relationship with my ex? Should I have said sorry I can’t get you? My heart is telling me one thing and my mind is thinking another. So my question to all of you…what would you have done?

My OkCupid Date: Story Time — April 30, 2017

My OkCupid Date: Story Time

I’m back with another story time. My last post was about moving on and about how I was going to go on a date with a guy from OkCupid. Wanted to share my night with you guys, and write it down for myself to laugh about in years to come.

As a recap, I met this guy and we had been talking for a few weeks and things were going really well. He seemed very nice, smart, has a good job, could make me laugh..the list goes on and on. We originally had plans for dinner and drinks. This changed on either Wednesday or Thursday when he told me his softball league had gotten rained out on Tuesday and Wednesday and the games got rescheduled for Friday. Made perfect sense to me, it had been rainy that week so I rolled with it. We made plans to get drinks late Friday night and get to know one another. Friday rolled around and we were talking like normal. I was getting excited to meet him. I had plans to go out with Megan and her sister at our usual bdubs spot and then I was going to meet him at Maggie Mcfly’s for drinks. Around 10pm he texted me asking if my friends and I wanted to meet him and his roommates at a bar in WeHa. We decided to go with it, probably smarter to meet him with some backup anyways. So we drove out to WeHa. We were looking good and I was still excited.

We got to the bar and found a booth to sit in. He texted me asking where I was and when I told him I found my heart beating faster, I was getting really anxious. Next thing I know, a drunk guy was walking up to us and sitting down and introducing himself as the guy I had been talking to for the past few weeks. He was beyond obnoxious. He was so drunk that I don’t know how he was holding a conversation, although it was mostly with himself to be completely honest. He tried to kiss me, he got one in and then after that I wasn’t having it. I was beyond pissed off. We got to the bar where he started yelling (literally yelling) with some people that I’m convinced he didn’t even know. He then proceeded to buy shots of fireball for at least 8 people, myself included, even though not 15 minutes earlier I had said that if we did a shot I wanted vodka. Then he stepped on my foot and didn’t say sorry, just continued to talk to everyone besides me who he was supposed to be meeting for the first time. I was so fed up that I told him I needed to go to the bathroom and we left. He proceeded to drunk call, snap, and text me because sending me pictures of some other girl saying “onto the next one” is really a way to win a girl over.

As annoyed as I am I learned a lot from this experience. Don’t go into something expecting anything. I was expecting this guy to be a gentlemen just like he had been the few weeks we were talking. People lie, people are good at putting on a fake front. Even knowing this you have to be willing to take the leap of faith and get back out there. You have to remember that all guys aren’t going to be like this (although it might seem like it). Hold onto hope that everything is going to work out in the end, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Guys…some advice for you. If you’re going to meet a girl for the first time, don’t go into it completely drunk. It makes you look like and idiot and the girl is going to leave, trust me.

Moving On — April 25, 2017

Moving On

I know I talk a lot about my relationship and break up with Tyler. I’m sorry if it’s not something that the few followers I have want to read but it’s a huge part of my life and, quite frankly, I use this blog as more of a diary than something that I expect anyone to gain something from (no offense and if I am helping you I am so beyond happy to be of service). If relationship stuff isn’t something you want to read about, you can go ahead and skip this post from me. Trust me I won’t be offended. Those of you that are choosing to stick around, I hope you can relate to me with this one. Here we go.

I’ve talked about how I’ve been on Tinder and now OkCupid which are both apps on your phone for online dating. Both are the same concept, you swipe left if you don’t like the person and right if you do. The difference is with OkCupid you can message the person before you match. I’ve been using this app more recently and like it a lot more. I find there to be less creepy guys looking for a quick hook up (sorry for anyone whose found someone on tinder). Anyways, recently there have been more guys who are messaging me first and aren’t creepy or weird or have something that is off putting for me. I’ve found myself holding longer conversations, exchanging snapchats, and asking if they want to text instead of just talking on the app. This is something I wasn’t really expecting. I find myself checking my phone more frequently to see if the one guy I’ve been talking to texted me back, I get excited when I get a snap from him, and I have no trouble holding a conversation with him. I’m slowly starting to get happy again.

Does this new found happiness mean that I’m finally moving on from Tyler? Is it wrong for me to be excited about meeting this guy? I hope your answer is no, because that’s what mine is. I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks and I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s nothing wrong with moving on. It’s normal, it’s natural. Is it scary? Absolutely. It’s terrifying to think that I might be happy, and maybe even happier, with someone other than Tyler. As terrifying as it is though it’s okay to take the leap of faith. It’s healthy.

So this Friday I’m taking the leap and going out on a date with my OkCupid guy. I’m excited and nervous and terrified and anxious all at the same time but I know it’s for the best. We’re planning on dinner and drinks right now and we’ll see where it goes. I don’t want to jump the gun but I think I could like this guy. Part of me wants to like him. I want to know that I’m capable of liking someone again and having them like me back. It might sound selfish but I need the ego boost. We’ll see how things go on Friday.

Don’t be afraid to move on. Every step forward is one step closer to being happy again. No matter what you might think, you deserve to be happy. Get out there and take that leap, you never know what you might fall into.

Sometimes Adult Life Sucks — April 20, 2017

Sometimes Adult Life Sucks

When I was younger I always wanted to be older and have an adult life. I wanted a full time job, I wanted money, I wanted more responsibility. Fast forward 20 something years and here I adult. I’ll be completely honest with you that being an adult isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. Let me explain…

  1. Student loans and bills are super stressful. I get paid biweekly and my checks are decent, but I still struggle to be comfortable which stresses me out more than anyone understands.
  2. Contracts have way too much fine print. I stupidly joined a gym in January. I thought I had read the entire contract front to back and understood it all. I signed away my life for 2 years. This isn’t your typical gym membership either where it’s 10 bucks a month, this is 32 dollars a month and the contract is for 2 years. I called to see if I would be able to cancel the membership and they said only if I died, became disabled, or paid the entire payoff of the membership. Ummm, what?! I know this is mostly on me but come on, a little bit of slack would be great.
  3. Full time jobs are exhausting. I only work 3 days a week and honestly I feel dead to the world when I get home. I spend my days off being low key just because I have no desire to exert energy. It’s usually a struggle to wake up and go to work, and when I don’t have work it’s a struggle to want to do anything.
  4. Your friends will never have the same schedule as you ever again. This might just be for nursing but it’s true. Megan is a full time teacher and that’s what she loves (or so she tells herself…). She works Monday through Friday and has every weekend off. I work 3 random days during the week and work every third weekend. It’s so difficult to have times where I can see her and hang out. Same goes for my nursing friends. I want to hang out with Sarah so badly but we typically have opposite days off. It’s frustrating and quite frankly lonely.

I could probably list 100 more reasons why it sometimes sucks being an adult but I’ll keep it short and sweet. If you’re not at the point where you’re completely an adult, don’t rush it. Enjoy every minute of high school and college. Your time to be an adult will come.

If you are an adult and struggling with it like I am, take some deep breaths and remember you made it this far and that you’re not going to give up now. My dad always told me “it’s going to get harder before it gets easier” and becoming an adult is just another speed bump in the road.

It’s Okay to be Alone — April 12, 2017

It’s Okay to be Alone

Let me be the first to say that I love being in love. I enjoy everything about it. Knowing you have someone who always has your back, who wants to spend as much time with you as possible, and kisses you whenever they want just because they can is something I’ve always longed for and for a long time I had it.

I’ve spent a lot of time looking back through my planner which I’ve made kind of into a journal. This planner is the one that will have my first full year of being single in it. This is something that for 7 years (and really longer than that since I never gave myself a lot of time between breakups in high school) I never had. Everything that I was doing always included a guy. I was always so busy with school and work that the only things I wanted to do were spend time with Tyler. I never really went out or took me time. That changed this year. I started taking me days, getting manis and pedis, randomly driving down to the beach just because I could, starting a career! You name it there’s a chance I tried it this year and I’ve documented it all in this planner. Every ticket stub from a concert or sporting event I went to is in there, baby shower invites, sticky notes with how I was feeling while I was doing what I was doing. Looking back on it I realized how exciting this year has been for me so far. Sure, there have been many low points where I’ve been sad and hated everything but there has been so many more happy times that for once I was okay with doing alone.

So this post is for all the single girls (and guys) out there who are learning how to be alone again. Know that it’s okay, it’s more than okay! It might not seem like it right now but you’re going to make it and you’re going to thrive. Stop spending time alone in your room (although those days are necessary too) and start spending time with your friends! Do the things you always wanted to do..go to that sporting event, schedule that hair appointment, take that trip you’ve always dreamed of. When you do all of this, make sure you document it all somewhere. Look back on it often and remember how good it felt to do something for yourself, without having a boyfriend or girlfriend attached to you. Remember that feeling when you get into your next relationship and always put yourself first, you deserve it.

My Tinder Date Moved Across the Country: Story Time — April 8, 2017

My Tinder Date Moved Across the Country: Story Time

I’m back with another story time and this one is one for the books. I went on my first “Tinder Date” on March 16th and it has its ups and downs to say the least. Let me start from the beginning.

I began talking to Ryan earlier that week. We hit it off right quickly and it seemed like we just clicked. I found myself constantly checking my phone to see if he texted me and we were up all hours of the night talking. I obviously wouldn’t say I was in love or anything to that extreme but I genuinely liked him (and how hot he was didn’t hurt either). We talked about our pasts, where we want to go in life, and our career choices. I found out early on that he was in Submarine school down by the shore. I love a guy in uniform! We kept talking until one of my days off I decided to take a road trip down to the beach (in March…) to clear my head. He just so happened to get out of class that night and not have any plans so we decided to meet up.

He had mentioned earlier through text that he was in his last week of Submarine school and would be leaving CT really soon. I didn’t think much of this when he told me since I figured I either wouldn’t meet him or if I did it wouldn’t be anything. So I decided to meet him, and it was the best decision I ever made. We hit it off, there were no awkward moments (although we both admit that we’re extremely awkward so that could be why), and we had a great time. He was the perfect gentlemen, sexy as ever, and that accent!!! We stayed out late that night and when it was time to leave I didn’t want to. Again, not in love but definitely liked him. We kept talking, and talking, and talking. We wanted to get together again before he went back to Maryland before going to his next base but it never worked out. We kept talking every single day though.

Finally his graduation came and went and before I knew it he sent me a snap saying he was heading out of CT. To tell you the truth I was pretty sad. Sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye, didn’t get to give him a good luck hug. I found comfort in the fact knowing that he was going to be in Maryland for the next few weeks on leave though. Not that I planned on seeing him but knowing that he wasn’t all that far gone.

Yesterday, April 7th, my sailor boarded a plan for the best adventure I could ever wish for him. He flew out to Washington state, across the country, to his new base and a lifetime of memories. He had told me awhile ago that he had no intention of coming back to the east coast, and quite frankly I don’t blame him. My first tinder date left for across the country and never looked back. I’m happy for him, don’t get me wrong, and we do still talk on the daily. I may have lost a tinder date but I gained a friend and he’s one of the best.

The moral of the story…don’t be afraid to meet your tinder dates (unless they’re super creepy). I took a chance and found some happiness, even if it was just for a night. Ryan changed my perspective on guys and gave me new hope for the future. You never know where you’re going to end up in life, maybe he’ll be back in CT or maybe I’ll end up in Seattle. Never the less, I took a leap of faith and it didn’t bite me in the ass. I miss him like crazy and wish I could have given him a goodbye hug but sometimes things don’t work out how we want. I wish him nothing but the best, I hope he’s safe out there fighting for our country, and I hope he finds the girl he looks at like he does chicken tenders :).